Joined: Apr 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 604 Location: Anywhere and No where Karma: 6
<Never too late>//Nourai/Star « Thread Started on Nov 2, 2009, 8:38pm »
X. C A E L U M .X Even if I say It'll be alright Still I hear you say You want to end your life Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late
The pain, it can be described as unreali, horrific, deadly. I know of such pain only to well. The feeling of wanting to die after the image strikes against your sub conscious. And it was true, the pain was unbelievable. The constant onslaught of pain that came menacingly at me at any point in the day. Okay, not any point. Just… whenever I thought of… Him. He who had defied me, and my love, in a way I had thought he of all would be unable to. My beloved, why do you forsake me so? The pain of it all is still fresh upon my consciousness, not enough time has passed yet, to heal a wound as deep, and grave as this one. I wondered, sometimes, what life I might hold now, had the strange turn of events not kept me from him. Had not withdrawn my love from me.
Some say that love is a big part of life, and that distance makes the heart grow fonder. However, depending on the reason for the distance, I have learned, might cause your emotions to react differently still. My heart does not grow fonder, probably for the fact that such an ideal is preposterous in my current position. However, the distance does make the memories more painful. I think it is the turn of events that had unfolded, and the way that the path I am now on was laid out that caused me to go into my current state. What state is that, you ask? My response is simple. With out him, with out my love, I see no more reason in the foolish concept of surviving. There is nothing holding me… to this world, anymore.
And every time I thought of him, my knight in black, I can’t help but relive all the pain, all the heartbreak, all the memories that kill me, over and over again. His face continues to pup up in my mind, almost at random moments. Causing me to catch my breath. And as if on cue, the image struck me again. I watch in my mind’s eye as my subconscious brings him back to life before my mind. The pain rips threw my chest, and my breath strained. Tears burn at the corner of my brown eyes as I see his smug green eyes replayed in my mind. He was always so beautiful, my champion was. His black coat shone bright in my memory, his green eyes both smug and a lit with what I had foolishly believed was love for me. I knew better now. I knew the truth now. But still, all of this…. This hate… it’s killing me. And I wonder how much longer I will keep surviving. I just… I want it to be the end. I want it to be all over. I want to… forget, to be rid of the pain… to die.
Caela was a unique horse, who had suffered threw much in her young state. Just over a few years of age, 3 ½ to be precise, this mare had seen more heartbreak than many. It is not common for a mare to find her ideal love at such a young age, and lose him right after she had found him. However, the manner in which she lost him had caused the reaction in her. The way she had become… suicidal. Though the fault was all, but her own, Caelum can’t help but blame the odd turn of events that led up to her current position, to be… her doing. It had to be her fault. Who else would to be of blame, for the odd turn of events, but her own self? In addition, as much as it pained her to say, she truly did see it as. Her fault.
Caelum moved slowly threw the lands that she now occupied, not to sure the exact reason that she had come here for her travels. Her breath came softly, as she trotted threw different lands. They seemed to keep changing, with out her notice, even as she walked, her head low as if it was to impossible to hold up. Her steps were lagging, dead. Her brown eyes leaked over everything, taking in nothing that there was to see. With a slight sigh, she lowered her head, tucking her cranium closer to her chest as she wandered past by a few horses. Her hooves made soft clicks against the rough surface, or the hard ground, a weary oath having been cut threw the grass, where the grass had been pealed away by all the hooves that had treaded threw the area, leaving hard soil, crusted and hard, almost rocky. The sounds echoed around her, as Caela walked on, feeling as alone as ever.
Slowly the rock and soil once again returned to grass, and the equinic forms into to trees. She was not sure why, but she felt her heart become even more heavy as she traveled out of the Fields she had just past threw, and into the nearby, surrounding forest area. She walked slowly threw the land, not aware of where it was that she was. Having recently come to this land, she felt a little lost looking around.
The forest held an abundance of trees, and my eyes fell onto quite a bit of decent looking vines. I had never tried hanging myself. I wonder if it would work, if it would hold me. I do not know for sure, what possessed me to try, but suddenly my teeth were working a loop into a vine, the task was time consuming, but… I had always put a lot of work into my plans, to try and commit the suicide attempts that a kept proceding to do. Even if they kept seeming to fail, I was determined to find a way to end it all. Once the vine made noose was finished, I grasped it between my teeth. Bending my neck low, my head far to the other side, I let whiplash take effect, using the force, from snapping my head once side to another, to send the vine a few more times around the tree. Then with I smile I watched it hang above me.
Maybe this would work. I closed my eyes, and suddenly he was there. In my mind. I could see him, right as day. Beautiful black coat, sparkling green eyes. I missed him so much. And I can’t figure out why. Why he left me. Not really. Why had he not wait for me. We had so much planned. We were determined to stay together. To run away. To defy herd laws that kept us apart. Enemies by herd, lovers by heart… It had failed though, our plans. He had defied me, left me… And, now… Look at what I am. A mess? A sorry excuse for a horse? Or just heartbroken… take your pick. All the answers, and many others still leave you with one solution. I am going to be alone for forever.
Nevertheless, I had soon pulled my thoughts back to the task at hand. I reared up, as far as I could go in my tiny 14.3 hand form. I twisted my head around, still in the rear, to get the rope around my head and then with a sad, sweet smile, I jumped into the air, and folded my legs in.
My breath caught as the vine dug into the soft skin were my skull met my neck, and for a moment I though I might have managed, might have been able to kill myself. Then, the unthinkable happened. The damned vine broke, followed by the branch, and I crashed back to the forest floor… alive, and breathing.
So close, I was so close to ending it all. The pain, the heartbreak. Stupid vine. Stupid branch. STUPID LIFE! The tears threatened around my eyes, as I pulled myself up, and felt the rope slide down the rest of my neck, and the end of it trail on the ground. I did not have the strength to attempt to get it off. I was still so upset. I had almost done it. Almost killed myself. Why couldn’t I have?
I shook my head, and the tears immediately stopped threatening, and once more my face was dead, my eyes lifeless. I did not want to live anymore, so what guardian angel was trying so hard to keep me alive. I just… wanted to die.
The vine trailed over her narrow shoulders, and dragged on the ground as the young femme walked slowly towards where she was heading. Her eyes were lifeless, staring into the world unseeing. The forest, however, was beginning to thin out around her, and soon, she found herself at the outskirts of a large meadow. Hills littered it, and the sounds of a river littered the air, as well as the splashing of someone playing in a pool of sorts.
A pool. Caela wondered if it would be possible to drown her self. She started walking out, not noticing the odd looks she received, when eyes fell upon the vine tied around her neck, like a noose, that was a noose. Caelum looked up at the heavens, the bright blue sky appeared to be straining to show off its color, wiggling around large storm clouds that seemed to be brewing quickly. Caelum smiled softly. Rain. Thunder. Lightning. The perfect mood to accompany her it seemed.
She shivered as a sudden wind ran across the meadow, and a few of the horses looked up in alarm. Slowly, the others began to leave, to head home, or find shelter. Caela pitied them, as she walked further into the lands. Suddenly a voice spoke behind her. Lady… you have a thingy around your neck A tiny voice spoke to her.
Caela’s eyes shot open wide, as she spun around only to look at a small, adorable black foal with brown eyes. The tiny creature looked up at her curiously, ”I know, little one.” Caelum said softly, as her eyes warmed upon the foal. Foals… they were the mare’s weakness it seemed. With a small smile, the mare nudged the foal ”I think it is time for you to go back to your mother, little one. The rain is going to start soon.” The foal nodded, before turning tail, and running to a pretty chocolate mare who nuzzled the foal, and nodded once to Caela, before turning around and walking the foal out of the meadow. Caela nodded back, but it was delayed, and the mare didn’t see, and Caela’s mood once again dropped to depressed, and dead
Caelum shrugged, the former warmth, of being around the foal, gone from her eyes, and her relaxed formation grew to a slightly troubled one.
Thunder banged over the lands, and the vix looked up started. Rain. The rain was threatening to explode any second now, as I walked to the lake that set of to the side of the meadow. It was really more of a pond then a lake. I sighed, as I looked into the pool, seeing the clouds darken in the background of my reflection. Then my eyes sought out the familiar façade and stature that belonged to me.
Though unaware of the truth behind these words, Caela is a very beautiful mare. Small, delicate, and gentle looking, she stands at a slight height of 14.3 hands, just a little taller than the ‘height’ of a pony. The femme looked herself over. Starting with her façade, to see a black face staring at her, a beautiful starburst in the middle of her forehead was covered by long fore tresses. Her white mane slicked down her neck, and over her shoulders, and down her legs, stopping at her knees. Black stockings peeked out from beneath the long curtain of ivory. Her coat was a beautiful blue-gray, soft and light in color. Her hooves and stockings(which climbed to her thighs) where of deep black. Her tail erupted from her haunches in straight white threads that dragged an inch on the ivory carpet. Her brown eyes sat in her face, there color both droll, and almost… dead.
Suddenly lightning flashed, and the thunder rolled. Looking up, Caelum caught the first few drops of rain on her tiara. And suddenly, she was in the midst of a downpour. Sometime during her gazing spectacle with the pool, sheets of mist had rolled into the meadow, rising high around the fae, almost keeping her from view of anyone else.
Seeing the silhouette of a dark tree threw the mist, or at least she thought it was a tree, she began to make her way towards it, hoping to find a little bit of shelter from this storm. How appropriate this seems to be with my current mood. She thought softly, as she shook her head. Then slowly she trotted to the tree, and stood beneath it, rain slicking over her form, plastering her mane and tail to her blue roan formation, making the light tresses see through. She shivered against the cold, and suddenly smiled. Hyperthermia? Maybe? She humored herself hopefully.
She lifted her tiara high, once again, closing her eyes as the rain slicked over her form, carelessly caressing the gentle rolling curves of her femimine form, the rain seemed to curtain her, as she stood haloed by the mist that seemed to be casted around her. Her long tresses where picked up slightly, their wet threads tangling in the cool breeze as it whipped past her, causing the beautiful roan to shiver.
Then with a sigh, she rolled her narrow shoulders, opened her eyes, and lowered her head… Just as the sounds of approaching hoof steps were heard over the loud downpour of the rain overhead, as if someone was trying to escape the rain.
Startled by the sound, Caelum jumped, nearly tripping over the vine-that was still tied around her neck, and dragging on the ground. She held still, and slowly looked around as the hoof beats approached closer… and closer… till she saw a figure escape from the mist.
This love, This Hate Is burning me away It's hard to face that we're all the same This love, This Hate Is Burning me away It's harder times like these that never change
Status: Complete Muse: okay Characters: Caelum Genders: Femme Fatale Alliances: Water For: Nourai.Star Notes: Hope you like it Playlist: Knife Called Lust, Hollywood Undead/ Not too Late, three days grace
Post: E6EFF5 Caelum’s Thoughts: 0daeff Caelum’s Words: 0b3171 Other's Words: silver strike through and in italics
With Kiba, Tsume, Hige, Blue, and Toboe. The Wolves.
Joined: Nov 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 201 Location: In Paradise Karma: 1
Re: <Never too late>//Nourai/Star « Reply #1 on Nov 3, 2009, 8:57pm »
Nourai
I silently trotted through the free lands of the Water's domains. The war was long past me, and secretly, I was glad. It was hard being bipolar in the midst of a war. I was constantly changing moods. One minute, I had been very calm and peaceful, not wanting to fight. The next minute, I wanted to kill so many horses it was unbelievable. Of course now, I felt guilty. It was just the way I was. Sadly.
My now ocean blue orbs grazed the ground around me. Today was such a long day. My queen had died. I should say our queen. Nerina had been a fantastic queen. Her death had brought us all depression. Well, it had brought me depression. It wasn't a great time right now. Most of the horses that fought hadn't survived, and many royals were gone as well. It just sucked, I tell you.
My optics then rested upon a similar form to myself. As I moved nearer to it, I noticed she was not alone. A small foal was chatting with her. I frowned myself frowning. Was this disappointment I felt? It sure was. Wonder why. It was probably because I felt attracted to her? Damn. I slowed my pace down to a very slow walk. My daggers left imprints in the soft ground as I walked over to her.
As I approached her, I noticed her looks. She was quite beautiful for a mare. No, I wasn't some hormone controlled stallion. I had a mind, and thoughts about friendship not mating in it. She had a blue coat. I'll be honest, I've never met any 'blue' horses before, but I have heard of them. They were beautiful. The rumors were true. She was more then beautiful, though I wouldn't ever tell her aloud. Unless asked. Of course, why would she ask something like that? She didn't hold herself like the out going type. More like the shy type. So she knew how it felt eh?
I stopped advancing to wards her. I wasn't too far off, yet I was still close. She still had her own little bubble if she liked her own space, which most people did. I wasn't quite under the tree, yet it's branches reached over my head. My own sun-kissed pelt was soaking wet, while hers was barely touched. I then realized that the foal she was with, was no longer with her. So, it wasn't hers after all? The way she had looked at the foal, well I thought she was his mother. She must like foals. Then again, who didn't?
I suddenly felt like a fool. I had been standing there, staring at the mare, talking among myself. CREEPER was written all over it. I cleared my throat once."Hello there, ma'am. I am sorry to interrupt. May I join you under this tree?" I bowed my head to her, not wanting to be rude. Yes, I had my moments when I was a kind gentlemen, rare, but I did. And I felt like I needed to be a gentlemen to her. She looked so innocent, yet she looked upset. Her head was hung low. What was wrong? I shut my eyes, remembering that look of pain that had once been on my face.
I squeezed my lids even tighter together, taking in deep breaths, attempting to calm myself down. It was getting easier for me to stop an emotion in its tracks, and reel it in. After a few moments of calming down, I opened my liquids once more, staring at the mare's face once more. I quickly shut them again. The flashbacks were trying to force their ways in, but I wouldn't let them. Not this time. No way, Jose. Not again.
My lids opened again, though I was smart enough not to look at the mare's face though. Instead, I stared at her neck. It was odd, I agree. It was better then staring at her pain on her face though wasn't it? The pain that was on my face a couple months past. I longed to help her. I didn't know what was wrong with her, but I would try to make it better. Just try. It would make me feel better.
(Omg suckish, crappy, horrible the list goes on. I had absolutely no muse. Which epically sucks. Its only like 700 something words. I don't feel like counting them. Sorry. Epic suck.)
Joined: Apr 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 604 Location: Anywhere and No where Karma: 6
Re: <Never too late>//Nourai/Star « Reply #2 on Nov 5, 2009, 9:07am »
X. C A E L U M .X Even if I say It'll be alright Still I hear you say You want to end your life Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late
Caelum’s eyes fell onto the rain clouds that seemed to tower over head, her expression, more or less glazed over, dead. The rain fell down in sheets around the sapphire mare, sending a chill through her, as she closed her lids, hiding soft brown eyes from the rest of the world. As she shifted, almost nervously, she contemplated how hard it would be to turn the rain around her into to harsh, sharp hail, to see if it could strike her down. Yes… maybe… maybe that would be an easy way to get out of this land, get out of this… this hateful world. If only it was that easy. Young, sweet Caela didn’t believe it for a moment. It was like she was doomed to this horrific, chaotic turn of events that kept her life in a constant swirling motion of pain, depression, and suicidal thoughts. If only these thoughts would follow through… The femora suddenly jumped as hoof steps resounded around her, and she spun to stare out into the mess of rain, slowly seeing a stallion shape making it’s way threw the mess of rain drops. He stopped a short distance away from the shy femora, as he stood there, before her, just staring. No! why most someone come. I was planning to finally get myself killed in this drowning rain. But if someone was here, how was I to complete that? It’s not like I can just push a button and drop bead. There is no ‘real’ Easy Button In life, or death, trust me… I’ve looked.
The sun bathed stallion suddenly cleared his throat, words spilling from his vocals, Hello there, ma’am. I am sorry to interrupt. May I join you under this tree? I was no evil beast, And I knew how much it was raining, and how hard it was coming down. I slowly side stepped away slightly, even as I inclined my head slightly so that he would know he was allowed to step beneath the shelter of the canopy of the tree. ”It’s not my tree, sir. You may do as you wish, I have no control to stop you.” Her lyrics were lifeless, as were her eyes. Dead, holding nothing. No emotions to be displayed. She soon came to realize the stallion was avoiding looking her in the face, and she turned from him slightly, flicking her ivory banner nervously. ”If my presence… disturbs you, I’d be more then happy to leave.” And hopefully find a way to end my life in this chaotic land. Surely I could do something, right?
The mare fell silent, as she hopefully expected him to agree, and tell her to leave, so she might be able to find some way to end this miserable thing… thing that others seemed to call life. All she felt like was a lonely game piece, in the game of life, that the gods rule. A game piece who wished she’d already been removed.
This love, This Hate Is burning me away It's hard to face that we're all the same This love, This Hate Is Burning me away It's harder times like these that never change
Status: Complete Muse: horrible Characters: Caelum Genders: Femme Fatale Alliances: Water For: Nourai.Star Notes: I’m hoping that I will be able to make the next one better. Sorry this one sucks. I don’t want to go on and on about how suicidal she is. Playlist: Knife Called Lust, Hollywood Undead/ Not too Late, three days grace
Post: E6EFF5 Caelum’s Thoughts: 0daeff Caelum’s Words: 0b3171 Other's Words: silver strike through and in italics
With Kiba, Tsume, Hige, Blue, and Toboe. The Wolves.
Joined: Nov 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 201 Location: In Paradise Karma: 1
Re: <Never too late>//Nourai/Star « Reply #3 on Nov 12, 2009, 1:50pm »
I stared at the femora a few moments longer, before slowly taking a few steps forward, until I was full under the tree's cover. I was keeping my space from her though, I did not want to make her even more uncomfortable then she already was. So, I stayed on the border of the tree's branches. I was standing sideways, so I could easily look at her, yet look out across the land as well. As I glanced once more at the female, she looked oddly uneasy. Was it because of me?
"I am sorry if I am making you feel awkward and uncomfortable. I could leave if you'd like." Though, I said those words, I didn't want them to be true.
No, I was not some creeper dude, looking for easy access in a mare. I wasn't like that. I didn't want to leave this mare alone. She looked like she was stressed. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Yeah, there were always good kinds of stress, the kind you needed in life, and the bad kinds, the kind that you don't want to have. She didn't seem to happy about her ordeal. So, therefor, I wanted to stay. I wanted to help her out.
As I stared at the mare's face, I found myself inching closer to her. I stopped, but I felt the urge to comfort her.
"My name is Nourai, in case you were wondering. I'm sorry if its rude of me to ask, but, why do you seem so...depressed? You seem stressed and like you wish you were somewhere else. Does my being here bother you? You don't have to answer me if you don't want. I just want to help. My voice was very calm, though, it did have a hint of wariness in it. I didn't know her, or what she had done in her life. Of course, I wasn't saying I didn't trust her, its just, well, I didn't know her well enough to get close to her.-NOT FINISHED-
(I ran out of the muse I don't have T.T I'll finish this up ASAP. I have to wait a little bit longer. I'm sorry!)
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